August 2012

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August 2012

The Day Baby Reagan Came Home

The beautiful baby who had a deluge of prayers and loving hopes sent her way for eleven days came home to her eager family on August 10, 2012 from the UNC Hospital NICU.

Reagan O’Brien Kindem, weighing 8 lbs 3 oz, and with the first name her mother chose and the middle name her father added the day she was born, became an immediate balm to a sorrowing Kindem-O’Brien clan.

From the very beginning of her painful journey into this world, little Reagan showed pluck and determination, and even flashes of the sweetness that has come to be the hallmark of her first months of life.

At two days old, she responded as if she recognized her daddy’s voice when he sang to her in her hospital crib, a crib festooned with the latest in life-saving technology: a cold blanket beneath her, to bring down the temperature of her brain, tubes, monitors, EEG wires…and pictures of her mommy, daddy, and her brother and sister to love her and urge her on.

Several days of Phenobarbital kept her sleeping deeply, but protected from the seizures that might otherwise plague her. When she began her awakening from that course of medicine, it seemed that all the NICU nurses fell for her in a big way. One nurse told us that it was a shame we had a crib for her at home. Puzzled, we asked why: “Because no one will want to put this precious baby down,” she told us gravely, with the slightest twinkle.

Was Reagan already smiling at those wonderful women, in the middle of the night? Her aunts and uncles also stayed in the NICU for several nights, sleeping on foldout couches to watch over her. Her parade of visitors was long and fervently hopeful.

Whether or not she would qualify medically or spiritually for the title, she was our miracle. She is our miracle.

The Days Larkin and John Made Their Grown-Ups Smile

Fortunately, there were many moments and days when this loving and dynamic duo did this for all of us. It was our only release from a prison of shock and pain.

We consulted a child psychologist in the earliest days after Jamie’s death to understand the best approaches to sharing the worst possible news with our precious 20 month olds. We read books and manuals, spoke to caring professional friends. In the end, we never could quite completely confront the chasm that lay before them and us. When they happily and endlessly repeated “Mommy” to Jamie’s pictures hung everywhere, we simply concurred, we told them how much she loved them, we said she wants to be here with you, but she cannot.

It was, of course, beyond heartbreaking. But we carried on and tapped our deepest well of bravery. We believe it was the right thing to do. It is thought that children under the age of two are not equipped to even form the thoughts that would ask, “but where did she go?” Perhaps they have thought it from time to time, but lacked the words for that complex thought. In any event, we speak to them often, as we are able, of their beautiful and loving mommy.

On a happier note, at this time we see John and Larkin’s vocabulary really expand; John in particular trying to say every word he hears, and making some very good attempts. Little sentences will come a few months down the road. Larkin, in her characteristic manner, pays close attention, understands everything it seems, and takes her time to verbalize it. When she does, it is often to direct her brother in this or that personal or household task (“John, shoes;” or “John, sleep;” or “John, home.”), or to talk about and look for her daddy.

It is a constant wonder to us to watch these burgeoning skills and see our twins’ respective selves emerge along the lines we already recognize: John unabashed and ‘out there,’ Larkin reserved and wise.

The support and love that we all receive – especially John and Larkin – from their daycare teachers and the school’s parents is a daily comfort. Our raw wounds are salved a little when we are hugged and cared for, and looked after in ways emotional and material. It becomes a big challenge to carry through with the previously planned switch to a new daycare center. We defer until November, and we are all the better for it. A stable, loving environment is the utmost concern in these early days.

– Maureen O’Brien

 

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