They Already Felt Like Old Friends

Picture Above (Jamie left, Casey right) – The four of us were having too much fun to take pictures together, but I was able to find this shot from a video I took at John and Larkin’s 1st birthday.

My (Casey Tremewan) family moved to North Carolina from San Francisco in October of 2010. Our move was a leap of faith, in that we had no jobs, no daycare lined up; we moved into rental house that we had never seen before and although we a few acquaintances, we had no friends. Our gamble slowly began to pay off as we settled into our new lives. In February of 2011 my parents invited us to a dinner at their friends, the Kindem’s, house. They mentioned that there would be another couple there, the couple had just had twins. We were somewhat weary of this “set-up” but weren’t in a position to picky about meeting others.

We had a great time that night. I remember the instant connection between me and Bret and Paul and Jamie. I was thrilled to spend time holding John, so tiny at the time. Bret and I got home that night and commented on how great the whole family was. The next day Jamie friended me on Facebook. I remember the childish happiness that I felt when I “confirmed” her, I was so happy because it meant that they liked us too!

Soon after we began the periodic tradition of getting together on Saturday afternoons at Jamie and Paul’s house. It was always easiest for us to go to them, since our son was 3+ and we only had the one. It did not take long for us to fall into a predictable pattern –

1. We arrive and begin stuffing our faces with “the Dip”. (The Dip – Jamie’s version of the 7-layer dip. But something about it made it SO much better than regular 7 layer dip. We seemed to lose our senses when this stuff was sitting out.)
2. Simultaneously with number 1, at varying paces, begin enjoying adult beverages.
3. Hang out with kids out back.
4. Prepare kiddy dinners.
5. Kindem kids to bed, Wyatt in front of a movie.
6. Deep breath.
7. The best part now – the four of us would just sit at the table and eat, drink, talk, tell stories, laugh, discuss parenting, politics, life in general.
8. Tremewan’s stay too late.
9. Next morning – feel like we drank too much.
10. Repeat.

We were new friends but somehow we felt like Paul and Jamie were old friends of ours already. We genuinely enjoyed each other’s company, so much so that we never had to lean on variety to keep it fun or interesting. We did make it out to dinner at a restaurant a few times, and they came to our new house a few times, but I think it’s safe to say that our shared friendship was formed at that kitchen table on Colorado Ave.

A funny story to share: Around the time that Jamie was 37 weeks pregnant, we wanted to be sure to sneak one more gathering before the baby arrived. We got to the house and Jamie was in the kitchen. She was wearing a black dress. Wyatt was sitting at the kitchen table and looked over at her. He said, “Jamie, you have a baby in your tummy.” She said, “How do you know that Wyatt?” (brace yourself) Wyatt said, “Because you’re fat!” I was instantly horrified! But of course Jamie broke into laughter and exclaimed that she had set herself up for that one.

I was always so grateful for the friendship that we formed with Paul and Jamie. Since our move, we have had the good fortune of making other good friends. The difference with the Kindems though was that they were not friends by proximity. We did not have the luxury of seeing them each day in the neighborhood or each day at work. We had to go out of our way to see each other, but it was worth it and we knew that our shared friendship would be one that lasted us a lifetime.

No different than anyone reading this post, we were overwhelmed by shock, bewilderment and heartbreak that day. Bret, Wyatt and I have gone through our own journey of healing and coping, just as each of us has. We are continually inspired by Paul, who has shown us all super-human, brute strength in the face of the most unacceptable reality. As friends of both Paul and Jamie, we are grateful for the loving family that supports Paul and the kids each day.

In my own journey I have made various realizations. One is that in our adult lives, our reaction to a situation like this exists within a complicated web of life experiences, feelings and emotional triggers. So for the last part of this story, I will share a brief conversation that I had with Wyatt a few months ago. We were on our way to see Paul and the kids and take dinner over. Wyatt and I stood in our kitchen as we put our jackets on. Wyatt looked at me and unprompted he said, “I love Jamie”. I said, “So do I.” He said, “I wish I could hug her.” I said, “That’s how I feel.” A simple expression born from an unclouded mind and spoken straight from a child’s heart. And in that, he summed up all of those complicated feelings into what I know is all of our greatest collective wish.

We miss our dear friend and are so grateful that our paths crossed when they did.

– Casey Tremewan