My Beloved Older Cousin

Jamie was the young woman, the beloved older cousin, that I (Katie) admired, idolized and adored for as long as I can remember. From watching her with my mouth agape as she sang every last word to Billy Joel’s “We Didn’t Start the Fire” when she was about 11; to watching awe-struck as she performed the coolest dance I’d ever seen to Madonna’s “Vogue” on a home video when she was 14; to assuming her exact positions (supine, hands crossed on our bellies, then rotating every 20 minutes) on a beach towel and listening to Bob Marley coming from her headphones as her tan skin glistened like gold when she was 16; to hearing her say that Dove soap was the best (and still buying only Dove soap to this day); to marveling at her nerve as she swiped her parent’s credit card on a $60 bikini with a wink, saying she’d get around to telling them about it later; to observing her loving interactions with our grandparents and feeling a twinge of jealousy, wishing that I had shared the same amazing closeness with them as she did; to watching her dominate the competition in a high school soccer game; to witnessing the willpower involved in going for a run every morning on Thanksgiving break; to seeing her scream at the TV while watching football and confess her crush on Peyton Manning; to dutifully tasting Grape Nuts over and over again, trying to develop a taste for them because it happened to be her breakfast cereal of choice; to looking forward to making cranberry salad every year because that meant one-on-one time with her in the kitchen; to attempting to mimic the way she used her fingers in conversation and drank from a glass bottle; to openly bragging to my friends about her adventurous spirit when she opted to study abroad in Florence, Italy.

I remember one year we were sitting at the O’Brien’s long dining room table on Thanksgiving when I knocked over a bottle of wine and it landed squarely on what was undoubtedly an expensive and sentimental lovely china dish. The dish cracked into several pieces and the noise was startling enough to make everyone at the table turn and look. I could feel my face flushing with embarrassment when Jamie deftly swept the pieces into her hand while whispering to me that it was nothing to worry about and that it happened all the time. It was her sweet words of reassurance that prevented me from running from the table in tears. This is the first example that I can remember of Jamie slipping easily into a motherly, or perhaps big sisterly, role with me. After that, I noticed that she seemed to do it all the time. During the years when there was some domestic unconventionality in my family, Jamie would pull me aside and ask me directly how I was handling everything – was I doing ok and did I want to take a walk with her to talk about things? She was kind, thoughtful, caring and compassionate well beyond her years. She was also outspoken and fiery. Could there be a better combination of qualities in a person? I hardly thought so.

She and I had the opportunity to connect in NYC before I left to study abroad in college. She seemed so independent and strong as she showed me all over the city. We discussed the ups and downs of relationships, and she encouraged me to order a drink at a bar for the first time (I was 20 and very straight-laced). I gave her a knowing look and a guilty smile while telling the server that unfortunately had I left my ID at home. Needless to say, I was denied a drink that day. But it was fun to have tried. She challenged me and encouraged me to reach out of my comfort zone. She made me smile and laugh out loud. She is the sort of person who created memories with people.

Although throughout our lives we saw each other infrequently, I believe we shared a special connection, and I know that I had a special sort of love for her. Having her as my older sister figure and my female role model, being the direct recipient of her warmth and kindness, witnessing her general awesomeness again and again, and attempting to imitate many of her wonderful qualities, has shaped me for the better. I am grateful for every moment that I was lucky enough to spend with my one-of-a-kind cousin Jamie.

– Katie FitzGerald (Jamie’s Cousin)